I can be the Kayak girl!

I had a dream a little while ago which has made me realise something quite significant about myself. In this dream I saw myself in a kayak doing a canoe race with someone. I knew it was me in the dream although I did not recognise myself. I had long brown hair, I was tanned ( not likely after a year in Ireland and returning to South Africa for a second winter). But what has had a major impact on me is that I had this super toned body - muscles everywhere. I even had my much desired Michelle Obama Arms!!
Why the impact? I realised that I had never seen myself or even imagined myself like that before. Yes, I desired it, and have tried endlessly  to tone up... but never actually 'seen' myself looking so super hot and healthy ... Fit, Firm and Fabulous! The image inspired me and motivates me now ... because I guess the cliche 'if u can see it - you can achieve it' (I hope). But this is not my point.

My point is that my self-image has always been distorted. I have always! always! always! seen myself as the 'very chubby, friendly girl'. I know that ones self-image is like the cruise-control setting in Ian's much loved TDi Polo. If you set the cruise control at 100km per hour, you can slow down or accelerate to a higher speed for what ever you need to, but the cruise control will always bring you back to 100km per hour.  To make point: If my self-image is me weighing 10 tons - I may lose or gain 5tons. But if my self-image is or I see myself as 10 tons its likely that I will always slowly creep back 10 tons. The same goes if you see your self as a loser or as unsuccessful or a bad friend. You will never rise above the expectation you have of yourself.

I will give you some example of my mindset. I joined the gym here in Worcester for the couple of months that we'd be here. As you know you have to go through the whole assessment - make me a program exercise first. Anyway, so I go and tell them my usual goals blah blah blah... get on the scale ( The usual result ) and then the BMI and fat percentage. I read the results and expect the worst. I was surprised to see I am in the normal-healthy range for fat percentage.... and my thought is first 'the dude is clearly not a professional,he must of made a mistake'. Then my mom gets one of these fancy scales that can measure your fat percentage...I am surprised it is almost exactly the same percentage as the 'unprofessional gym dude'. So I think it must be his table that's incorrect,I search the web and check the scales handbook ...I am in the healthy zone. I did a few more tests at Run/Walk for Life and yip same result. My problem is that self-image is that I am not 'Normal'!! but maybe, just maybe I am. Not my ideal!!, but 'normal' is a very big jump from what I thought I was.

I need to change the expectation of myself in order to firstly accept that maybe I am okay - even now - which  is the hardest part! and that 'I'...yes 'me'  can actually be the girl in the Kayak! I have seen an image of myself - and that I can actually be 'her', IT IS NOT IMPOSSIBLE ...because I have seen an image that it is! even if only in my dream  =).

In my next blog will be about how I got this self-image - the lies I hear/heard and believed which set my cruise control at very chubby - friendly girl.  Likely the most important reason for this post being written. Because many of us have been  told lies about ourselves that we have believed and it may be stealing our potential.